{undeserved} abundance

in the darkest moments of life,

you learn the richest lessons.

for me right now, one of the things i am learning is about what i mistakenly think i deserve.

do not take anything for granted.

sure, this one sounds easy and you hear it all of the time, right?

but, what i am beginning to see more and more is that we are not owed anything.

every single thing is a blessing {noun, meaning God's favor and protection}, 

not earned based on merit or good character or what we think we deserve.

this means that when i lie my head on my pillow at night, regardless of whether my husband picked up his clothes off of the floor or said all of the loving things i thought i needed him to say that day, that i must thank God for him.  that i must reconcile verbally and by action any division that could have occurred between us during the day.  i must not take my husband, who serves as God's greatest gift to me for a lifetime of partnership and companionship, for granted.

in counseling sessions, i am always hearing couples explain how their spouses are not meeting their needs and making them happy.  guess what, people?  you were not created to be happy, you were created to be holy and give your life away.  do not, for a minute, think that this man or woman by your side was randomly selected to be there, does not serve a purpose, and is not a blessing.  i am choosing to focus on my own responsibility in my marriage, which stated biblically is to be a helpmate to my husband.  i would love for you to join me because as you give to your spouse, you are quickly reminded that it is not about you and the selfishness melts away leaving a much more beautiful reflection of marriage and committed affection.

this also means that when i am dead tired at the end of the night and it is time to put three cute little bodies to bed, that i must not do that with a heart of hastiness wanting it to end soon so that i can accomplish what i have on my mind to do or with a heart that does not acknowledge that every opportunity to tuck those girls into bed, say prayers with them, and kiss their little foreheads goodnight is a blessing.  for i do not deserve those girls, God chose to bless us with them.  and, for that, i am exceedingly and abundantly grateful.

i will never again take a healthy ultrasound for granted.  i will never again be able to look at our girls without such awe and wonder of what little miracles they truly have been formed to be.  i will never again speak words to other mommies like, "don't you want more children or don't you want a boy/girl?" because i do not know the painful road that has led them to this particular day.  i will cherish the opportunity to raise these three girls and i will savor the days.  the days are so long, but the years are so short.

this also means that i must recognize that life does have some crazy twists, 

that sometimes people will disappoint us or medical bills stack up or you feel the weight of the constant to-do list in life or even sometimes you may lose a child.

i am learning again and again that my attitude affects everything and i deserve nothing.  whether you are in the carpool line or sitting at your desk in your corporate job, there is something that you can acknowledge as God's blessing to you on that day in that particular moment.  

i am blessed beyond measure.  even in this darkest hour of my life, i can see that i have been given far more than what i could have hoped or imagined.  but, this has nothing to do with me.  this has everything to do with a God who sent His only son to sacrifice so that i could have life to its full measure.  

you have that same life.  embrace the abundance in your life and acknowledge those blessings as such.

because like me, you do not deserve it.

{as i complete this writing, i am fully aware that many of you struggle with being in a place where you feel that you cannot find hope or acknowledge blessings.  if this is you and you would like to communicate personally, i would love to offer any help that i can.  at a minimum, i would love to be praying for you.  feel free to email me at rebecca.woodman@foresthill.org. this journey was not meant to be walked alone.}